This is the person I try to be. The image I aspire to. It is lovingly referred to as Supermom. The mom who can do anything. Bake anything. Sew anything. Turn anything into a fun art project. The Mom who never yells at her kids. The Mom who always has everything in her diaper bag. The Mom who always knows the answer to every question. The Mom who never wonders if she is good enough. For me, motherhood is beyond rewarding. I love my sweet kids. But lately I just feel like I've been coming up short. I always seem to feel more pressure when Ned is deployed. I have to enforce all the discipline. Teach all the life lessons. Reassure the kids that Daddy is coming home and he loves them. Talk about a new baby coming and what it means. It never ends. Some days, I feel so tired. And not the kind of tired that a nap will fix. Just emotionally spent. For the past few weeks, this is how I've felt:
Like I'm running as fast as I possibly can and getting absolutely no where. I've been a Navy wife long enough to know that getting in these funks are normal and not to panic. After I picked up Tatum from preschool, I dropped by a friend's house to go over a couple things for next week. I ended up holding down the fort for her while she took her oldest child to a volleyball game. Maybe it was being in a different house, but my kids were just so content to sit and watch a movie and chill out with me. After my friend returned home, we had dinner together and another Navy wife friend joined us. All of our husbands are deployed right now and it was just nice to sit and be with my friends. For some unexplained reason, I got my 3rd wind. I got a 2nd wind around Christmas when the morning sickness was still so bad and I felt I couldn't make it one more day. But that wind was fading fast as I've been packing, doing cakes left and right and trying to keep the kids happy and the baby on the way safe. But tonight, I just got recharged. I felt like I can be the mom that I want to be. Maybe not always perfect, but on the right track. Ned always say...sometimes your best isn't good enough. Sometimes it takes what the job requires. I guess motherhood is like that. My kids need me to be happy and at peace. They don't care if I can't do everything perfectly. But they do need to know that I love them and appreciate them for who they are. So here's to my 3rd wind. I desperately needed it and hopefully it can carry me through to the end of this thing. Yay for second (and third and fourth) chances!
1 comments:
As always, Kerstin - you never cease to amaze me. I'm glad that you were able to get together with your friends, especially since they are all in similar situations. I wish I lived closer... Thanks for always posting! I love reading your blog and I come away feeling inspired to do better!
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